


Please, Remember Me

by YodaSizedWriter



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Memory Loss, SuperCorp, but like really eventual happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-01-23 19:12:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18556036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YodaSizedWriter/pseuds/YodaSizedWriter
Summary: What would you do if your life changed in an instant? If an accident ripped the love of your life away from you? Do you give up and move on...or fight for them back?-Kara and Lena have been happily married for almost two years. When a bad accident leaves Kara in a coma, Lena's worst fears are realized.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> “Accident?” Kara asked. She looked bewildered as her eyes wandered around the hospital room. They landed on Alex, and then on Lena. Kara looked up at Lena with no recognition. “Who are you?”

Lena couldn’t hold in a yawn as the elevator slowly travelled down to the ground floor. She was drained, both physically and emotionally. It was overly tempting to just stay at the hospital and sleep in a chair in the lobby. But she wanted to get home. She never slept well without Kara by her side, anyway.

As if Kara knew she was the subject of her wife’s thoughts, Lena’s phone rang mere seconds after she left the elevator. Lena smiled sleepily as she answered.

“Hey love,” she said softly.

_“Hi,”_ came Kara’s voice from the other end. _“Are you still at the hospital?”_

“Just leaving. I’ll be home in about an hour.”

_“An hour…Lena did you walk again?”_ Lena heard her wife sigh, though she could hear the fondness and affection in it. _“Babe, I appreciate you trying to save the environment singlehandedly, I really do but…”_

“Kara, darling, it’s not just that. Hospital parking is overpriced. And honestly, I needed the walk earlier. The fresh air is…refreshing.”

_”I know. But Lena it’s after ten at night, and it’s absolutely pouring outside. Please, let me pick you up.”_

Lena had gotten to an exit and peered through the sliding glass doors to see that Kara was right. It was an absolute torrential downpour outside. That, combined with the thought of getting to see Kara sooner, was all it took to convince Lena.

“Alright, darling. I’ll wait here for you.”

_“Perfect!”_ Lena grinned at the enthusiasm she could hear in her wife’s voice. _“I’ll be there in twenty or less. Just hang tight. I love you.”_

“I love you too,” Lena smiled. She hung up and made her way to a plastic chair in the nearly empty hallway. There were more comfortable chairs in the waiting area, but Lena didn’t think she had the energy to make it there.

Visiting her mother hadn’t initially been so exhausting for Lena. There was a time when she’d leave the hospital feeling not quite happy, but content. Lilian had been doing so well, and their visits were filled with light conversation and reassurances. But the past month the change had been obvious. Lilian more often than not could not hide her pain and frustrations, and talking was quickly becoming a struggle. And it was torturous for Lena to watch that hateful disease eat her mother from the outside in. Sometimes she wished Lilian’s mind would go. It was hellish to see such awareness in her eyes.

Whenever Kara could, she would come with Lena. Those visits were always easier. Kara’s inability to ever be sad was a lift for both Lena and Lilian. Even if they just sat in silence on the days Lilian’s throat was too sore to speak, Kara’s presence was a comfort. Being held by her wife was the best feeling in the world. But Kara’s hours were ever changing, and for the past week in particular Kara had been working overtime as she investigated a potentially big lead for a story.

Lena was slumped over in the uncomfortable chair, nearly right asleep, when her phone buzzed. She laughed softly at Kara’s texts. Kara would often use nothing but emojis to communicate. It was one of the endless traits Lena love about her wife.

Lena exited the building, hunching her shoulders against the driving rain. She saw Kara’s red jeep straight away parked in the drop off and pickup area. As she got closer, Kara jumped out of the driver’s side door and practically sprinted to Lena. The instant comfort Lena felt as soon as Kara wrapped her arms around her could have almost been ridiculous, if it hadn’t been so incredibly soothing.

“Mmm, hi,” Lena murmured, breathing in Kara’s delicious scent.

“Hi yourself. How are you doing?”

“Better now,” Lena said truthfully.

“Good.” Kara kissed the top of Lena’s head, still holding her tight. “How is Lilian?”

Lena tried to speak a couple times, the words getting caught in her throat. Finally she just shook her head and leaned back ever so slightly to look up at her wife. “I can’t…not right now. Let’s just go home?”

Kara’s eyes briefly clouded, but then she smiled and pecked Lena on the lips. “Of course.” Without warning she crouched down and swept Lena up bridal style, carrying her around to the passenger side. Lena couldn’t help but laugh. “Your chariot awaits, madam.”

Lena was half asleep during the drive home, but Kara didn’t seem to mind. She held Lena’s left hand in her right, chatting about her story and her job. Lena had a small smile on her face as she drifted in and out. Just hearing Kara’s voice filled her with a warmth she hadn’t felt all day. She couldn’t wait to get home and just crawl into bed, cuddling against her beautiful wife…

\--

_“Arghh!” Lena groaned in frustration and threw her mug viciously against the wall, where it shattered. She knew it was juvenile, but she just couldn’t help it. She had just run her numbers for the twentieth time and they were coming out all wrong and her defence was in less than a week and…_

_“Lena? You okay in there?”_

_Even the wonderful sound of Kara’s voice couldn’t console Lena. Rudely, she shouted at her girlfriend to go away and leave her alone. There was a brief silence. The next sound Lena heard was that of the door to her office opening and footsteps coming up behind her. She should have known better than to think Kara would actually leave her alone that easily._

_“Babe, what is it?” Lena didn’t respond. She just lowered her head to her hands and groaned again. “Lena, honey, come on. Talk to me.”_

_“It’s all wrong,” Lena said through gritted teeth. “Two years of my life I’ve spent working on this and it’s all wrong. They’re going to laugh at me next week. I’ve wasted so much time!”_

_Next thing Lena knew there were hands on her shoulders, rubbing and massaging. Despite her anger, Lena couldn’t help but melt into the touch. Kara bent down and kissed Lena’s cheek._

_“You’re amazing Lena. There’s no way all your research is wrong.” Lena started to protest, but Kara cut her off. “Don’t. Lena, I’ve watched you work on this for two years. Nothing is wrong with your research, I promise. You’re just freaking out a little bit. But it’s ok. You’re ok.”_

_“What if I’m not?” Lena asked stubbornly, already feeling a bit better but not willing to be consoled quite yet._

_“You are.” Kara kissed her cheek again. “You’re ok. By this time next week, I’m going to be kissing a master.”_

_Lena chuckled and looked up, turning her head to give her girlfriend a quick kiss. “You’re ridiculous. That’s not exactly how it works.”_

_Kara just shrugged. “Don’t care. All I know is that you’re going to successfully defend your thesis and they’re going to give you that degree. You’ve worked too hard to fail at this.”_

_“Thank you,” Lena said softly. “I needed that. I needed you.”_

_“Uh-huh,” Kara said, somewhat smugly. “You know what else you need? A break.”_

_“Kara not right now, I’ve got…” Lena yelped as Kara spun her chair around startlingly quick. “Kara!”_

_Kara just grinned. She straddled Lena in the desk chair, looping her arms casually around Lena’s neck. She leaned down, and Lena was ready for a kiss, but Kara pulled back slightly, laughing. “Does this mean you want a break now?”_

_Lena didn’t answer. She just chased Kara’s lips and kissed her breathlessly. Their lips moved with and against each other, perfect like always. When Kara’s tongue moved past her lips and met her own, Lena just sighed happily. She wasn’t surprised when she felt Kara’s hand on her breast. Her girlfriend had always been the more handsy of the two. Kara’s lips left hers, but Lena’s disappointed groan quickly turned into a moan of pleasure as Kara began peppering kisses up Lena’s jaw._

_“Kara, darling, as much as I’d love to continue this here…” Lena was briefly sidetracked as Kara nipped at her ear. “Mmm…Kara we need to move…this chair is…oh yes right there…this is old…”_

_The look of disgruntled surprise on Kara’s face when the old, cheap office chair crumpled beneath them was enough to drive any remaining worries from Lena’s mind. She couldn’t help but laugh, and then she rolled on top of her girlfriend to finish what they started. And when Lena successfully defended her Master’s, Kara was the first person to congratulate her. They celebrated all night long, and Lena decided right then that the next day she was going to go out ring shopping._

\--

Lena’s ears were ringing sharply. There was a weight pressing against her chest, but when she went to move it she couldn’t seem to lift her arms. A sharp stinging shot through her left wrist, and she cried out. She couldn’t seem to open her eyes, but she could see bright lights flashing through the lids.

“Kara,” she said, weakly.

With a grimace, Lena forced her eyes open. The world she saw was a confusing mess of flashing lights. There was a spider’s web in front of her, but that didn’t make any sense. _Shattered glass_ , her brain supplied, but that made even less sense to Lena. She couldn’t move, and her wrist was throbbing. She struggled to piece together some memory, anything.

There was a loud grinding sound, like nails on a chalkboard. Lena cringed away from it. A cry escaped from her lips and she felt immediately ashamed. Where was Kara? Kara would tell her what was going on, Kara always had the answers.

But right now Lena was tired. She was oh so tired…

\--

“Ma’am, can you hear me? Ma’am we’re going to cut you out, just stay still for me ok? Stay with me?”

Lena frowned. She didn’t know that voice. Opening her eyes again, she just saw the same confusing world from earlier. It made her head hurt. Everything hurt.

“Kara,” she said weakly. “Kara! Kara, where are you?”

Still not being able to move her body, Lena found she could at least move her head. Even though it sent bolts of pain through her skull, she turned.

“Kara!”

Her wife was beside her, in the driver’s seat, covered with blood. Lena screamed. Distantly she heard voices telling her to calm down, that it was okay, but Lena kept screaming. She struggled, trying to get over to Kara. Lena ignored the pain. She just needed to get to Kara she needed to make sure Kara was alright.

Then the world went black.

\--

“Ms. Luthor? Ma’am can you hear me?”

Lena frowned. She opened her eyes a crack, and immediately closed them at the blinding white light. It sent a sharp pain though her eyes and into her brain.

“Ms. Luthor, can you hear my voice?”

“Where’s Kara?” she croaked.

But the second she uttered her wife’s name, Lena’s eyes flew open. She ignored the blinding light and the pain and shot up from where she lay.

“Kara? Where is Kara?”

“Ma’am please calm down.” Lena took in the sight before her. She was clearly in the hospital. A not unfriendly looking doctor stood by her bedside. “Ms. Luthor, do you remember what happened?”

“I…there was…there was an accident wasn’t there?” she said quietly. If she strained she could recall bits and pieces of the crash, but she didn’t want to. The emotional pain was too raw and real.

“Yes,” the doctor said gravely. “According to the first responders a drunk driver crossed the center line. We’re going to be taking you for some tests now, Ms. Luthor. We don’t think your injuries are any more serious than a broken wrist and some scrapes, and probably a minor concussion. But we’re going to send you for some imaging to be sure.”

Lena shook her head, disregarding the pain it caused her. “I need to see Kara. Take me to Kara.”

“Please, Ms. Luthor, you have to calm down. Your wife is up in surgery right now. She’s in the best of hands, I promise. But right now, we have to take care of you.”

But Lena would not take no for an answer. She struggled to slide out of the bed, but then suddenly there were nurses there, holding her back. Briefly she felt a prick in her arm, but she didn’t pay much attention. Then her muscles seemed to lose function and her limbs lost all their mass and she floated down back onto the bed. It occurred to her that they gave her a sedative or a muscle relaxant. But there wasn’t much she could do about it as she drifted off.

\--

A few hours later, Lena was sitting by Kara’s bedside, clutching her wife’s hand tightly in her own. Lena’s left arm was encased in a plaster cast, but with her right she wouldn’t let go of Kara. It was Alex who had gotten Lena out from the trauma unit and up to see Kara. Alex had just been finishing up a fourteen hour shift when the paramedics brought in her sister and sister in law. After they had taken some x-rays and put the cast on, Lena had begged to see Kara. It seemed like it would be a futile effort until Alex showed up to rescue her.

Alex sat on the other side of Kara’s bed, looking about as distraught as Lena felt. She had Kara’s other hand, and she was looking at her sister with an intense stare, as if willing her to wake up and be okay. Kara herself was lying in the hospital bed looking peaceful. If it weren’t for the swath of bandages wrapped around her head and the bruising visible on her cheek and under her eye, nobody would even know anything was wrong.

Lena had been holding it together, but barely. She felt as if there was a damn inside of her, getting closer and closer to bursting. She could feel the tears burning behind her eyes. There was an immense aching in her chest. There was nothing she could do to help Kara, and it galled her. What good was Lena’s fancy Master’s degree if she couldn’t even help her wife?

“I’m going to go call mom now,” Alex said. She tiredly stood up and walked just outside the private room into the hallway. It had been Alex’s idea to wait until dawn to call Eliza. Why disturb a peaceful sleep with such awful news until it was absolutely necessary?

Lena took the opportunity of being alone to lean down and press a gentle kiss to Kara’s cheek. She lingered there, whispering to her love. “Kara, I need you to fight for me,” Lena said softly. “I need you to be strong. We have so much to live for yet, my love. Please, come back to me. Please. I love you.”

She kept murmuring to Kara, kept repeating how much she loved her. Maybe if she said it enough Kara would hear her.

“She’s going to be alright Lena.” Lena started, not realizing Alex had re-entered the room. “Kara’s a fighter. And I’ve never seen anyone love someone the way she loves you. She’s going to come back to us. We just have to patient.”

Lena nodded, throat too tight to speak. Eventually, she managed to ask a different question. “How did Eliza take it?”

“She’ll be here within the hour. I feel like she was already jumping in the car as she was talking to me.” Alex ran a hand through her short hair. “When she gets here I might head home for a bit and shower. I need to get out of these scrubs. You may want to do the same.”

Lena was shaking her head before Alex even finished the sentence. “I’m not leaving her. I can’t.”

“Lena…”Alex’s voice and her expression were sympathetic. “We can’t do anything for Kara. She’ll wake up when she’s ready. But there’s nothing we can do to change when that happens.”

“I know,” said Lena in a small voice. “But I need to be here when she wakes up. I can’t let her do that alone. If it wasn’t for me she wouldn’t even be in this mess. I need to be here for her.”

“Wait…what? Lena! What do you mean ‘if it wasn’t for you’?”

Lena sniffed. “She came to pick me up. I decided once again to leave my car at home and walk to the hospital. So stupid. She should have never been out driving tonight. It’s all my fault.” Lena’s voice broke at the end, and she barely contained her tears.

“Lena, stop that,” Alex said sharply. “There isn’t any controlling these things. Shit happens, and there’s no explanation. It’s not your fault…it’s the fault of the asshole who selfishly decided to get behind the wheel drunk tonight! Kara is going to need you while she heals. You can’t be wallowing in guilt; you need to be strong for her. This is in no way your fault. Tell me you understand that. Lena, tell me.”

Finally Lena nodded. She didn’t know if she meant that nod, but it seemed to appease Alex. That was it for any discussion for a while. The two women sat there in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Eliza arrived around half past seven, and she cried at the sight of her daughter in the hospital bed. She spent several minutes sitting on the edge of the bed hugging Kara. Then she embraced Lena and held her tight, whispering to her that everything was going to be okay. Lena shed a couple tears at that. If she couldn’t be held by her wife or her own mother, Eliza was the next best thing.

The day was spent in mind numbing agony. Alex did disappear for a couple of hours, returning before lunch looking slightly more awake. She had brought Lena a change of clothes, and Lena was grateful once again that they had gotten over their differences years before. Lena and the two Danvers’ sat all day by Kara’s side, waiting for some sign. Sometimes they talked, other times they simply sat in silence. Lena still couldn’t shake the guilt.

It was around five o’clock when things changed. Lena had been slumping in her chair in a kind of half-awake stupor. All of a sudden she sat bolt upright. Kara’s brow had crinkled.

“Kara,” she said urgently. Alex, who had been napping beside her, shot upright as well. “Kara, darling, can you hear me?”

Eliza leaned closer from the other side of the bed. “Did you see something? Honey, did Kara move?”

“I thought I saw…I was sure I saw…Kara. Kara, I love you. Can you hear me?”

This time there was a definite brow crinkle. Kara frowned and a sigh escaped her lips. The three people surrounding her bed were now all up on their feet. Lena still held Kara’s hand in her good one and she gave it a squeeze. They were all talking now, all three of them, gently and softly coaxing Kara to wake up.

“What…where am I?” Kara asked. She blinked her eyes open sluggishly. She saw Eliza first. “Mom? What’s going on?”

“Kara,” Eliza sobbed, smiling from ear to ear. “Kara it’s ok sweetheart. Everything is just fine. There was an accident but you’re going to be fine.”

“Accident?” Kara asked. She looked bewildered as her eyes wandered around the hospital room. They landed on Alex, and then on Lena. Kara looked up at Lena with no recognition. “Who are you?”

Lena’s heart seemed to stop in her chest. Beside her, she felt Alex freeze.

“Kara, it’s me. It’s Lena.”

Kara simply looked confused. “Who are you?” she repeated.

“Kara,” Alex said. “It’s Lena. You know, _your Lena_. The love of your life, your soulmate, the woman you married almost two years ago.”

“Married? I’m married?” Kara questioned. “I didn’t…I don’t know you.” She looked down, seeming to realize who it was that was holding her hand, and weakly but surely tugged it away. “I don’t know who you are,” she said, and Lena’s heart broke.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t remember anything about you,” Kara finally said. “I can’t remember anything that people say has happened. Apparently I broke up with Mike and changed majors and got a job as an investigative reporter? I don’t remember my sister’s wedding, and I certainly don’t know anything about my own.”  
> \--  
> Some feelings, some Lena backstory, some more feelings.

Lena was sitting out in the hallway, watching through the doorway as doctors surrounded Kara’s bed. She felt empty inside. Her chest seemed hollow. Hours earlier she had been determined not to use any of the strong prescription pain meds the trauma surgeon had prescribed. Now she was yearning anything that might help her relax and maybe forget. She had taken to spinning her wedding band on her finger over and over again. Twenty-two months ago Kara had slid that golden band onto her finger and said her vows. Now, she had no idea who Lena was.

Both Alex and Eliza had tried in several different ways to get Kara to understand who Lena was. Through it all, Kara just continued to look more and more confused and upset. They called in Kara’s doctor, who had started to explain that brain injuries were always difficult to predict. The amnesia could be temporary, but he was going to start performing different tests to try and gauge how long it would last. Lena had slipped out partway through his explanation. She needed to breathe.

Kara had never looked at her like that before. Even when they first met, before they really knew each other, Kara had at least looked at Lena with a blushing entrancement. Lena was used to Kara’s smiling eyes, and her puppy eyes, and her heart eyes. But Kara had never looked at her so coldly. She was a perfect stranger to her own wife.

After what seemed like an eternity, the hospital staff began to filter out of Kara’s room. Lena watched as Eliza sat down on the edge of Kara’s bed, stroking her adopted daughter’s hair soothingly. Alex came out and started making her way over to Lena, blowing out a breath.

“Well. What a day this has been.” Alex plopped down in the seat beside Lena. “How ya doing, sister?”

“What’s going on Alex? What’s going on with Kara?”

“Lena, you have to understand that I’m ortho. I know some stuff about the brain, obviously, but these neuro guys know way more than I do. But they seem…unconcerned? As far as they’re concerned, she’s alive, she’s awake, and she seems to have no cognitive impairment. A little bit of amnesia isn’t going to trouble them too much at this point.”

“A little bit of amnesia? Alex we’ve been together for nearly seven years and she looks at me as if I’m a stranger!”

“Hey, hey, Lena calm down,” Alex said soothingly. “They’re neuro guys. They don’t get emotionally invested in all this stuff. They’ve got Kara booked for a bunch of scans tomorrow morning. Hopefully we’ll get some answers then. And maybe by then this will all have been blown over.”

“So she could remember everything at any time?” Lena asked, and Alex nodded confidently. “Alex…I need you to be honest with me,” Lena said seriously. “I know you’re an orthopaedic surgeon but, in your medical opinion, do you think Kara will get her memories back?”

Alex nodded again, but this time Lena could see the doubt in her eyes. “Kara’s strong, Lena. And there’s so much she doesn’t remember. It’s not just you…as far as she’s concerned she’s back in first year at NCU. It’s such a huge chunk of memories, it’s gotta come back. There’s no way she’ll remain in the dark about everything.”

Lena loved Alex for trying, but she could tell Alex was just barely holding it together too. She knew the elder Danvers didn’t really believe what she was saying. Nonetheless, she appreciated the effort. Lena needed something to hold onto, and if Alex was going to throw her a lifeline then she would hang on for dear life.

“So, if she only remembers up to first year, does that mean…” Lena trailed off.

“Yeah,” Alex sighed, nose scrunching. “She thinks she’s dating Mike. She’s been asking for him.”

Lena’s heart ached. It should have been her that Kara was asking for, not the idiot she had left behind so many years before. “Are you going to tell her why they broke up?”

Alex shrugged. “I want to. What he did…I promised myself I would never let that little snot rag back into Kara’s life. Not that I ever had to worry about it, because she found you. But what’s the point in telling her? She’s already so upset and confused. He’s probably off and married by now, anyway. It’s never going to amount to anything, so what’s the point in upsetting her more right now?”

Lena nodded, though she felt conflicted. She knew Alex did too. There was no point rubbing salt into Kara’s wounds but still. It burned her.

“Lena, I don’t want this to come out the wrong way but…”

“You don’t think I should sit with Kara right now,” Lena said bitterly, finishing Alex’s sentence.

“Look, I want you in there. You know I do. We’ve come a long way Luthor, and I know you’re the best thing for my sister.” Alex placed a hand on Lena’s thigh and squeezed. “But the doctors thought, and honestly I agree with them, that it might be better to not do things which upset Kara right now. And Lena, let’s face it; you need some sleep. You’ve been awake for probably thirty-six hours. You can always crash with us for a bit, Maggie won’t mind…”

“I’m not going home without Kara, Alex,” Lena said firmly. “Maybe I shouldn’t actually sit with her, which galls me because I’m her wife. But I’m definitely not leaving without her.” Alex made to speak again, but Lena stood abruptly. “I’m going up to sit with my mother. I’ll be back down later.”

She turned on her heel before Alex could protest. She fought to stay in control and not let any tears fall as she angrily punched the up button on the elevator panel. None of this made any sense. None of this was even the slightest bit fair. They were on their way home to spend a quiet weekend together where they could forget about the world. And now this.

Lilian was asleep when Lena got up to her room, breathing laboriously. The sight of her mother in pain even as she slept did nothing to improve Lena’s mood. Lena sat stonily by her bedside, alternating between feeling sorry for herself and wanting to take on the entire world in one endless spiral of rage. She had known for a few years she was losing Lilian, but the thing that always made that bearable was the fact she had Kara. But what if she had lost Kara too?

The Luthor family had adopted Lena when she was only four. They were the only family Lena had ever known. Lex had been the absolute best big brother, always protecting her and teaching her- and teasing her. Their sibling rivalry had always been strong, but their bond even stronger. He was always there for Lena, encouraging her and cheering her on.

Lionel had sat on the board of directors for Luthor Medical for years. They were the second largest supplier of medical equipment in the country, and Lionel always worked hard to keep it that. But no matter how hard he worked, he always made time for his family. Especially his wife. Lilian was the glue that held the Luthor family together. She was always at every soccer game, graduation, news conference…whenever any of the Luthors had even a small event, Lilian was there.

Of course, nothing perfect was ever made to last, Lena thought bitterly. She should be getting used to it. It started with Lex getting murdered in cold blood while trying to intervene as a group of men was assaulting a woman he didn’t even know. He was just trying to be a good man, but Lex lost his life. Losing his only son drove Lionel to drink. He stopped showing up at work and started drinking instead. He managed to sell the company for a decent price and salvage at least a little bit before drunkenly wrapping his Escalade around a tree. Lena waited for her mother to fall apart after losing Lionel, but Lilian never did. She stayed strong for her daughter, and Lena thought nothing would ever stop her. That was before the ALS though.

Lena had met Kara after losing Lex and just under a year before Lionel drank his way out of the world. They had gotten married just before Lilian had been confined to a wheelchair. Kara had been Lena’s rock through everything that had happened. She couldn’t lose Kara too.

“You look melancholy.”

Lilian’s rough voice startled Lena. “Mother. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“Nonsense,” Lilian croaked. “Come a little closer so I can see you clearly.” It had become impossible over the past few weeks for Lilian to turn her head. “You look so sad Lena. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Lena said, choking back tears. “I’m just wallowing. You know me.”

“Stop worrying about everything Lee. You know we always have each other.” Lilian took a deep, slightly strangled breath. Even the supplemental oxygen wasn’t helping much, and that thought did nothing to lessen Lena’s worry. “And when you don’t…have me…you have Kara.”

“I love you mother,” Lena breathed. If she didn’t get out of there soon she was going to start sobbing, she knew it. “Get some sleep. I’ll be back soon.” She thought Lilian might have already faded back out as she kissed her cheek and ran from the room.

Lena held her good hand over her mouth as she fled, trying to hold in her sobs. She crashed through the door of a washroom and braced herself on the edge of the counter, leaning over it and hyperventilating. She needed to get control of herself. Lena needed to be strong, for her mother and for Kara. She knew she needed to, but it didn’t feel like she could.

\--

_“And that’s another strike!” Kara squealed in excitement. She did a cute victory leap and skipped back to Lena, kissing her on the cheek. “Told you I was good at bowling.”_

_“Your modesty astounds me,” Lena said dryly. But she smiled as she gave Kara another victory hug for her strike. It was their fourth date, and Kara had spent the past two days getting more and more amped up for their bowling date. Lena was starting to see why._

_“Alright Lena, it’s your turn. Let’s see if any of my magic has rubbed off on you.”_

_Lena rolled her eyes good naturedly and picked up a ball, squaring it up and taking a deep breath. She walked forward, swinging her arm back and then letting fly. The ball immediately veered off into the gutter. Lena sighed. Not that she had ever been an accomplished athlete beyond her house league soccer days where she stood in the field picking dandelions, but her confidence was waning a bit. Bowling seemed like it should have been so easy._

_“Well, I’d say you’re keeping your magic all to yourself,” Lena laughed as she turned around to get another ball._

_Kara looked on thoughtfully. “I think you just need someone to properly teach you.”_

_“Are you offering your services, Miss Danvers?” she asked cheekily._

_Kara just shrugged, grinning. Lena picked up another ball and made her way back to the line. Suddenly she felt a warm body snuggle up behind her. Lena’s breath caught in her throat._

_“Let me help you,” Kara said softly. Her breath tickled Lena’s ear, and immediately Lena felt a warmth blossom deep inside. She was hyperaware of every inch of Kara’s body pressed up against her own._

_It had been their second date when Lena worked up the courage to tentatively kiss Kara. Their first kiss hadn’t been the magical, see fireworks type of affair; they had both been nervous, and it was nothing more than a quick peck. It was quick and over before either of them could enjoy it. Lena had been about to walk off and bash her head against the wall in embarrassment when Kara had grabbed her and pulled her back in. Their second kiss_ had _been magical. Kara’s lips were soft and she had been the right mix of confident yet gentle. Lena got weak in the knees the first time she felt Kara’s tongue intertwine with her own._

_To say that Lena was incredibly attracted to Kara Danvers would have been a massive understatement. Kara was beautiful, inside and out. It was all too clear to Lena that Kara, who confessed she had never been with a girl, wanted to wait before exploring a potential sexual side to their relationship. Lena, who was already head over heels for the girl after their second date, was more than amenable to that. But after their second kiss, and the third and the fourth and all the others since…Lena was definitely attracted to Kara Danvers. Now, with Kara pressed in closely behind her, Lena felt ready to combust._

_“Focus on the pins,” Kara said. She wrapped her left arm around Lena’s middle. “Keep your core tight,” she said, splaying her fingers across Lena’s stomach. Lena felt goosebumps erupt. Kara covered Lena’s right hand with her own. “Your throw should be all one movement. Don’t hesitate, don’t pause. Are you ready?”_

_“Ready,” Lena confirmed, feeling unsteady._

_Kara guided her arm back and then forward, releasing the ball. Kara didn’t let go of her. Instead she wrapped her other arm around Lena too, holding her as they watched the ball roll down the wooden lane. To Lena’s surprise, all the pins were knocked down. In an instant her feet were off the floor. Kara had lifted her up and was spinning her around, whooping with delight._

_“You did it!” Kara shouted._

_“I’m pretty sure that was all you,” Lena laughed._

_Kara just shrugged. She set Lena down softly, but kept holding her close. They were face to face. Kara looked so genuinely happy that Lena couldn’t help but smile. She felt content to stay there with Kara forever. It sounded ridiculous on only the fourth date. But when she was with Kara, Lena felt peace. She stopped mourning her brother, she forgot about her dad’s newfound alcoholism. Kara’s happiness was infectious._

_“Thank you,” Lena said. She tilted her chin up and caught Kara’s lips in a kiss. “You are certainly a good teacher, Kara Danvers.”_

_Kara grinned and they kissed again. Lena couldn’t resist pushing her tongue past Kara’s lips and deepening the kiss. She knew they were in a public place, but Lena couldn’t help herself. She wanted more of Kara Danvers._

_“Mmm, we should do this more often,” Kara said breathlessly as they pulled apart._

_“Bowling?”_

_“No,” Kara smiled. She kissed Lena again, briefly, before taking a hand and tucking a strand of Lena’s hair behind her ear. “This. I kind of…really like kissing you.” Kara blushed._

_“And I really like kissing you as well,” Lena returned. She leaned in closer, brushing her lips over the shell of Kara’s ear. “But I do believe it is your turn now, Miss Danvers.”_

_Laughing, Kara hugged Lena tightly before playfully shoving her away to bowl another strike._

\--

It was late. Or early, Lena supposed. She wasn’t sure exactly of the time, but she knew that visiting hours were long over and it was after midnight. Eliza had taken Alex up on her offer to stay over at her and Maggie’s since it was closer than going back to Midvale, but Lena declined. She felt the only way she could be with Kara was when her wife was sleeping, and she wasn’t about to miss a moment.

Lena had achieved a sort of melancholy status quo over the past few hours. She kept telling herself that things would be better in the morning. Kara was bound to remember everything soon. And until Kara did, it still didn’t change anything. Lena still had to take care of the love of her life. The thought gave her a steely resolve. The only thing that ever threatened to burst it was the memory of the look in Kara’s eyes when she had first woken up. _She didn’t know me at all,_ Lena thought. _Not even a flicker of recognition._

Before leaving, Alex had promised Lena that she would bring a few photo albums the next day for Kara to look at. Their wedding album included. Alex thought that maybe seeing pictures of their relationship would jog something in Kara’s memory. Being told something was one thing, but seeing it made everything more real. Though Lena appreciated that, there was a feeling deep down in her gut that it wouldn’t make a difference.

Lena had never exactly been a pessimist, but she was always logical to a fault. She had been raised in a scientific household, and she herself was a science driven woman. Lena believed in evidence and solid fact. Right now, the only evidence in front of her was that Kara’s brain had been damaged badly enough to interfere with years of memories. There was no evidence pointing to her ever getting those memories back. Of course, she was holding out a bit of hope for the tests scheduled for the upcoming morning. Lena liked tests. They produced facts. But something was telling her to not get her hopes up.

Kara stirred in the hospital bed, and Lena briefly entertained the thought of fleeing. She should get out of there before Kara fully woke up and became distressed at the sight of Lena. But she loved Kara, and she was determined to never run away from her. No matter what the circumstances.

Kara’s eyes flickered open, and she blinked as her eyes adjusted to the dim light. Lena saw Kara’s eyes lock onto her, and the stiffening of Kara’s body made Lena’s heart shatter just a little bit more.

“Oh,” Kara said. “You’re still here.”

Lena tried to ignore the note of disappointment in Kara’s voice. “Do you need anything?” she asked in a low voice. “I can you get you a nurse if you’d like.”

“Oh um…I’m a bit thirsty I guess. Could you get me some water?”

“Of course, darling.” Lena cringed as she reached over to grab the pitcher of water left on Kara’s bedside table. She mentally berated herself as she poured some of the liquid into a plastic cup. They had all been advised to not try to force Kara into anything before she either accepted her new reality or remembered it. Lena had to cut out the pet names even though they were second nature to her.

“Thanks,” Kara said, taking the cup from Lena and sipping though the straw. “So,” she said eventually, setting the glass aside. “They tell me this ring on my finger is from you.”

Lena swallowed. Kara’s tone was too formal, too polite, and too cautious. Kara never spoke that way to her. It was as if they were strangers. Even on the very first night they met though, Kara was never that formal. It was jarring.

“Yes. I hope it’s still your style.” Lena decided that incorporating a bit of levity was the way to go.

“It is very beautiful.” Kara sat quietly for a few minutes. Lena wanted so badly to say something, but she wasn’t sure that she should. “I don’t remember anything about you,” Kara finally said. “I can’t remember anything that people say has happened. Apparently I broke up with Mike and changed majors and got a job as an investigative reporter? I don’t remember my sister’s wedding, and I certainly don’t know anything about my own.”

“Kara, I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make this better for you.”

Kara let out a harsh laugh. It was very un-Kara like. “Make this better? I wake up feeling like I just slept for a night only to find out that seven years have passed and my entire life has changed! Everything is apparently different. And everyone expects me to adjust to the changes, even though I remember nothing! What exactly could make this better?”

“I don’t know,” Lena said. She felt like crying again, but knew it wasn’t her place. She had no right to fall apart when Kara was the one suffering. “But I promise I’ll be here until we figure it out.”

“What if I don’t want you to be here? I don’t even know you!”

Lena closed her eyes, willing herself to keep it together. It shouldn’t hurt. Kara was upset; she hadn’t even been awake for a full day and had been thrust into a new world which was scaring her. It wasn’t personal, and Lena knew it shouldn’t hurt. But it did. It really, really hurt.

Lena breathed in and out slowly, before opening her eyes and looking at Kara firmly. “If that’s what makes you happy, Kara. I’ll do anything for you if it will make you happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, if you've made it this far, I thank you for reading! Appreciative of every single one of you who has stopped by!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena watched through the doorway as Kara’s eyes lit up at the sight of Mike. It reminded Lena of how Kara used to look at her before the accident. Mike approached the bedside and Kara threw her arms around his shoulders.   
> \--  
> Mike returns, Lena finds some resolve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: mention of a panic attack in this chapter

The week had been an absolute blur to Lena. She had taken a leave of absence from work, her own injuries combined with Kara’s making it an easy decision. But Lena was starting to wish she hadn’t. Kara tolerated her presence, but it was clear that Kara simply didn’t know Lena. Waking up to hear you were married to an absolute stranger had to be difficult, and Lena guessed that Kara was handling it about as well as anyone could be expected to in that situation. It still didn’t make it any easier though.

A bunch of their friends had stopped by, which had served to greatly lift Kara’s spirits. Lena’s own got lower and lower with every visit. Most of her friends had been Kara’s friends first. It wasn’t as if they were choosing sides- there weren’t even sides to pick- but Kara remembered them. She obviously didn’t remember anything that had happened recently, but she still knew them. So they would all be in Kara’s room, laughing and having fun, and Lena would be lingering in the hallway, feeling like a block of ice was slowly forming in her chest. At the end of the day, they still had Kara. Lena didn’t. Lena was nothing more than a stranger trying to impose her will on Kara. The jealousy and pain were difficult to avoid.

Alex and Eliza were going above and beyond to spend time with Lena and make sure she was healing. They forced her to eat, sleep, and shower. They checked in often. Lena loved them both dearly. But it was clear that they were at as much of a loss of what to do as Lena was. For them, Kara was alive and mostly healthy. Lena couldn’t blame them for feeling eternally grateful for that. She was too; it could have been so much worse. They could have lost Kara entirely. Nonetheless, she felt like a pawn that had been sacrificed for Kara. And that was fine; Lena would give anything to see Kara alive and well. She just wished it didn’t have to hurt so much.

None of the doctors could explain Kara’s amnesia or offer any insights as to when, or even if, her memories would come back. That was the toughest pill for Lena to swallow; that even modern medicine, with all of its miracle advances, couldn’t bring her wife back to her. All Lena could do was wait.

“You look like you could use a drink.”

Lena smiled sardonically at Winn as he sat down beside her. She had taken up residence, once again, in the hallway outside of Kara’s room, looking in and watching over her wife from a safe distance. “Are you offering?” Lena asked.

“I mean, maybe not right now at eleven in the morning, but anytime you need it Lena. Seriously. How are you holding up?”

Lena shrugged. “It is what it is, Winn.”

Winn put an arm around Lena’s shoulders, and she gratefully leaned into his side and rested her head on his shoulder. Winn had been the first of Kara’s friends to whom she had been introduced. She was nervous to meet any of Kara’s friends, but she and Winn had bonded instantly over their shared love of chess and Star Wars. He had become something of a brother to her.

“It’s not fair is what it is.” Winn sighed. “I feel like I’m cheating on you or something. Every time I go in there and Kara and I chat and laugh like it’s old times…you should be there too. You don’t deserve any of this, and it makes me feel awful.”

“Winn, don’t do that. Please don’t feel guilty. Kara is alive. That’s the main thing. I’m glad Kara has you and James and Lucy. She needs people who make her feel comfortable. Just please take care of her.”

Lena felt Winn press a kiss to the top of her head. “I want to take care of both of you. You sound almost like you’re giving up.”

“Not giving up.” Lena closed her eyes. It had become her practice to do so whenever she felt tears coming on. “I’m not giving up but I need to protect myself too, you know? There is the very real possibility Kara won’t get her memories back. And as much as I want to vow that I’ll never stop fighting and get her to fall in love with me again…she’ll barely even look at me, Winn.” Lena’s voice cracked. “What else can I do?”

“I don’t know Lee,” Winn said, and Lena could hear the thickness in his voice. He was upset. It comforted Lena that she still had people who loved her. But what if this continued? What if Kara never got her memories back? Would all these people still be by her side? Or would they all just naturally fade away, drifting further and further apart from Lena? They were only her friends and family by extension of Kara. If she lost Kara…

Lena was getting tired of the constant depressing thoughts. She decided to be selfish for a few minutes and take advantage of the comfort Winn was providing. She snuggled a bit closer into him, and he didn’t seem to mind. Lena’s sleep schedule had been all over the place. Perhaps she could get a few minutes of rest with Winn there.

Lena was just starting to drift off when Winn sucked in a sharp breath. He was tense beside her, and Lena sat up and looked at him questioningly. Winn was just staring straight ahead, open mouthed. Lena turned and followed his gaze. Her stomach dropped.

The man walking down the hallway before them with a bouquet of flowers in his hand had changed over the years. Undoubtedly he looked different, more mature. He had grown a beard, and was dressed infinitely better than he did back in college. But even with the physical changes, he was still the same. She could feel the arrogance, the self-assuredness, rolling off of him in waves. Lena would have known it was him anywhere.

Mike Ellis.

Kara’s ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend she apparently thought she was still in love with.

Mike’s eyes connected with hers as he drew closer. The man had gall, she’d give him that. Instead of faltering or looking sheepish, he seemed to grow more confident. His walk became almost a swagger. His smile became a smirk. Mike held her gaze until he ducked into Kara’s room.

“Winn…did you know…”

“Uh uh,” Winn said shaking his head. “I’d never let that jerk know. Lena, I swear, I don’t know why he’s here.”

Lena watched through the doorway as Kara’s eyes lit up at the sight of Mike. It reminded Lena of how Kara used to look at her before the accident. Mike approached the bedside and Kara threw her arms around his shoulders. Lena watched him tenderly kiss Kara’s cheek.

Lena couldn’t take it anymore. She felt like she was going to be sick.

“I’ve gotta go,” she muttered, standing up quickly. She could hear Winn calling after her as she practically sprinted down the hallway. Lena had no idea where she was going. All she knew was that she needed to get out of there.

An hour later found Lena on her third beer at the dive bar across the street from the hospital. It looked seedy from the outside, but it was the place all the surgeons and nurses frequented after gruelling shifts. It was the first stop of recently released patients to celebrate. It hosted the miserable family members of folks who just got bad news. But most of all, it was an outlet which Lena very much needed.

Generally Lena hated the taste of beer. She preferred a good glass of wine, or some hard liquor. Scotch was her favourite, but she never turned down whisky or rye either. Today, however, she needed the beer. She needed the disgusting taste in her mouth to wash down the even more disgusting taste that had settled there at the sight of Mike.

Lena gulped down the last bit left in her current bottle and motioned to the bartender for another. Lena never behaved like this, getting drunk midday on a weekday. It was far too reminiscent of her father during the last couple years of his life. She just couldn’t bring herself to care right then, however. Lena had been barely holding it together for a week. She felt like she deserved a bit of a breakdown.

The bartender set a fresh bottle in front of her at the same time as somebody took the stool beside Lena, sitting just a little bit too close in the nearly empty bar for comfort. She turned, ready to give the stranger a piece of her mind, when she saw it was Alex clad in her favourite leather jacket. Alex looked like she’d just gotten off of a shift. She also looked like she was about to lecture Lena. Maturely, Lena pouted and looked steadfastly away.

“This is a good look on you,” Alex said loudly. “Lena Luthor, drunk as a skunk by one o’clock on a Wednesday.”

Lena scowled. “It’s five o’clock somewhere,” she said nonchalantly.

“Alright, Maggie’s supposed to meet me here in ten for a nice lunch date before both of our schedules blow up again. So you have approximately nine minutes to tell me what’s going on.” When Lena resolutely said nothing, Alex sighed. “Lena, come on. You’ve been doing so well. It’s actually been amazing to me. What’s wrong?”

Lena laughed mirthlessly. “Everything is wrong Alex.” She spread her arms theatrically. “Look around…would you say that anything is right?” Lena paused, considering. “You didn’t have to call Mike, you know.”

“What?” Alex sounded incredulous. “Why on earth would I call Mike?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.” Lena took a long pull from the beer bottle. “I thought for sure you would’ve been stopping in at their little reunion before lunching with your wife.”

“What do you mean their reunion?” Lena watched as the penny dropped, Alex’s eyes going wide. “Oh my god…do you mean he’s here? He’s at the hospital…with Kara?”

Lena burped slightly. She grimaced at the taste of beer in her mouth. “I take it you didn’t call him.”

“Of course I didn’t.” Alex ran a hand through her hair, inadvertently spiking it up. “Why the hell is he here?”

“I don’t know. But he came with a big bouquet of flowers and Kara seemed A-Okay with it. Big hug. Sweet reunion.” She suddenly had an idea. “Let’s go axe throwing.”

“Yeah, ‘cause that sounds like a great idea for you right now,” Alex said sarcastically. “Alright, so Mike the Wonderful is here. It’s not the end of the world, Lena. We can deal with this.”

Lena dropped her head to the surface of the bar. The wood was vaguely sticky and smelt of split beer. “I can’t deal with it. I love her, but she thinks she loves Mike. I can’t do this Alex, I can’t watch this.”

Alex began rubbing her hand in soothing circles across Lena’s back. Lena wanted to be soothed, she really did. But everything just seemed far too big and insurmountable. How was she supposed to do this? With every passing minute she could feel Kara slipping away from her. It was like sand slipping through her fingers. There was a dagger in her heart, and it kept getting twisted and pushed in deeper and deeper.

Lena heard Alex greet Maggie, but she had no inclination to move from her current position slumped over the bar. She was beginning to almost like the smell of the polished wood combined with the beer tones. It was gross, but maybe gross was what she needed. Then a hand grabbed the collar of her shirt and pulled her back up into a seated position.

“You’re coming home with us, you loveable lug,” Alex said. She tugged Lena off the barstool and left her in Maggie’s care while she handed the bartender some bills.

“Hey you,” Maggie said, smiling softly. “Rough week, huh?”

Lena snorted.

The two wives marched Lena out of the bar, one holding each arm. The sun outside was a little too bright for Lena, but it also felt good in a way. Somewhat sobering. They walked a staggering  Lena around to the back of the bar. Lena just let it happen mindlessly. Maggie opened one of the back doors and began guiding Lena in. And suddenly, Lena wasn’t there.

Lena was back in the jeep, with Kara. It was dark, it was raining. Suddenly a pair of headlights cut across the road in front of them. It was coming straight on. Someone screamed. It was Lena. She could hear Kara, calling out to her, telling her it was going to be fine but then there was a massive crash. The world spun. Everything became chaos. It was too loud and too overwhelming and there was a weight on her chest and her heart was beating too fast and Lena couldn’t take it she couldn’t take it anymore she couldn’t…

“Lena!” There was voice calling her, but it was far away. Too far away. All she could hear was the crash, all she could see was Kara, bleeding beside her. “Lena, listen to me. Lena you’re okay. I’m putting your hand on my chest now. Feel my heart. Do you feel my heart beating Lena?” Lena nodded, vaguely. The voice was still far away, but it was closer now. “Breathe with my Lena. Ready? Let’s breathe in, and now out. Again. In…and out.”

Lena breathed with Alex, and slowly she came back to her own senses. She had ended up on the ground. She was sitting on the hot pavement, her back resting against the back wheel of Maggie’s SUV. Lena didn’t understand what had just happened, but she did know she was going be sick. Struggling past Alex, Lena leaned forward and was, unloading her four beers onto the pavement. Lovely.

“What happened?” Lena asked weakly, rubbing her mouth. Maggie handed her some Kleenex, which she accepted gratefully.

“You had a panic attack,” Alex said. “Have you been in a car since last week?” Lena shook her head. “Okay. Alright, we’re fine. Do you want to try to get in the car again, or do you think it will trigger you?”

Lena scoffed and struggled to her feet. She hated feeling weak. Squaring her shoulders she said, “I’m doing this. Get me in there.”

Lena’s heart starting pounding wildly as she climbed into the backseat, but she was determined to do it. It was only a short drive to Alex and Maggie’s, there was no reason for her to act like a child. Lena felt ashamed of herself. She had left the crash virtually unscathed, with only a broken wrist to show for it. How dare she break down like that?

They pulled up to the Danvers-Sawyer residence shortly thereafter, and Lena practically jumped from the car, breathing in the fresh air gratefully. She followed Alex and Maggie inside. Their house, though slightly bigger than Lena’s own, had served as Kara’s inspiration when they bought their dream house. Spacious, yet cozy. Extra bedrooms for at least two kids- though Kara had always wanted three. A big backyard for kids and dogs to play. The only difference was that Kara had decorated their interior with splashes of colour. Alex kept everything in gray and white tones.

The three of them sat down at the breakfast bar. Alex passed her a bottle of water, which Lena gulped down gratefully. Guzzling beer had seemed like a good idea at the time. But now there was an awful taste stuck in her mouth which she couldn’t wait to get rid of. What she really needed was a toothbrush.

“Alright,” Alex said. “Lena, I know this week has been hell for you. I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been going through. But you can’t keep going on like this. I’m not going to let you go down this road.”

“Alex…”

“No, Lena,” Alex said firmly. “You’re my sister too. And I know the focus has been on Kara, and that’s totally understandable. But there’s another life involved here which is just as important. Yours.” Lena looked down at the marble surface of the island. “Kara’s going to be coming home in a day or two.”

Lena’s eyes snapped up. “What?”

“I’ve heard it from my colleagues. There’s nothing more which can be done at the hospital. It’s a waste of our resources and your money. Physically, Kara is the epitome of health.” Alex let that idea percolate for a few minutes. Again, Lena’s bitterness rose. “Lena, I think Kara should go home with you.”

Lena once again was shocked. “Go home with me? Are you serious? Because she can barely make eye contact with me. The only conversation we’ve had which has lasted more than three words involved her essentially telling me to fuck off.”

“Lena, I think Alex is right,” Maggie said. “The two of you have always had this magic connection. And Kara spent almost a year looking at house after house before picking out your dream house. If she goes home with you, it might help. She might remember.”

“And if this were a Disney movie, I might believe that.”

“Technically Disney owns almost every movie franchise, even the disaster ones.” At Lena’s glare, Alex schooled her expression into a more contrite one. “Sorry. But look, I’ve been talking about it with mom, and she agrees too. We want Kara to go home with you. It’s where she belongs.”

The thought was tempting. To see Kara walk through the doors of their home after all they had been through was an image that filled her with hope. It made her heart race with feeling. But it also really scared Lena. Kara wasn’t Kara right now. What if Lena brought her home and it made things worse? She didn’t know how much more she could take.

“Lena,” Alex said softly. “This sucks. I know this is the worst. But we have Kara, even if it’s not the way any of us pictured. She’s still here with us. Give it a try. Maggie and I will be here for you, whenever.”

\--

Lena hesitated outside Kara’s hospital room. It was empty. Kara was just sitting propped up in the bed, watching TV. Taking a deep breath, Lena tried to steel herself. If Mike could just waltz on in, then so could Lena. She was, after all, Kara’s wife. She squared her shoulders, and marched forward.

“Oh…” Kara looked up as she walked in. There was a small, unsure smile on her lips which tugged at Lena’s heart. “Hi Lena.”

“Kara,” Lena said, smiling. She tried to put on a brave face and not let her nerves show through. “How are you doing?”

“I’m feeling well. Better. Seeing all my friends has helped. It’s making things feel a bit more normal.”

Lena nodded. “I’m glad.” She sat down in one of the chairs at Kara’s side. It was so tempting to reach out and take Kara’s hand, but Lena refrained. “So, I don’t know if they’ve told you but…you’re going home tomorrow! Yay!” she added lamely, seeing Kara’s expression remain unchanged.

“Oh, um yeah…yay!”

Lena sighed. Why was this so awkward? It had always been many things with Kara, but awkward was never one of them. “I know it will be a bit weird to you, walking in to a house you won’t remember. But I thought that maybe if we got to know each a bit, it would be easier for you.”

“Don’t you already apparently know me?”

“Well, yes,” Lena admitted. “But a game of twenty questions is always easier if there are two willing participants.”

She had said the right thing. Kara Danvers was never able to turn down a game. That much, at least, had remained unchanged. Kara’s smile became a bit more genuine.

“I guess that sounds fun. Can I start?” Lena nodded. “What’s your favourite colour?”

“Blue,” Lena said automatically. She tried to not get upset that Kara didn’t know that. Things were different now and she had to remind herself of that. “Yours?”

“I like all the colours,” Kara said wistfully. Lena grinned. That, too, was unchanged. “There are different colours for different emotions, and times. All of the colours are beautiful.”

“You decorated our house with that exact thought in mind.”

Kara’s eyes lit up. “I did? There’s lots of colour in there?”

“Of course,” Lena said lightly. “It’s a very Kara Danvers type of home.” Lena saw Kara’s happy expression fade a bit, and she continued on with the game, worried she had gotten too personal. “Dogs or cats?” she asked.

“Dogs!” Kara exclaimed. Lena knew what was coming next. “Although, is there anything more sweet than a kitten? I love cats too, it’s just…sometimes they can be so aloof. I want a pet who wants to be snuggled with. How about you?”

“I used to be a cat person. But I’m fifty-fifty now.” She neglected to mention how the two of them had been planning on adopting or fostering a dog that summer. It seemed a bit of a moot point now.

“Breakfast, lunch or dinner?” Kara asked.

Lena’s smile became more genuine as the game progressed. This was normal. Kara was still Kara; she was still animated and still got overly excited. She still talked with her hands. Her smile still lit up the room. So maybe it was a bit like being back on their first date. Lena could handle that. For a few minutes, it seemed as if she had Kara back. And that was all she could really ask for.

\--

_Lena could practically feel Kara quivering with excitement as they approached the bakery. It was, according to Kara, the best bakery in all of National City. Lena had not been surprised to see Kara had a detailed list of all the donut shops and bakery shops, listing their strengths and weaknesses, and ranking them as such. She was also not surprised that Kara had taken it fully upon herself as maid of honour to undertake the cake tasting on Alex’s behalf._

_“Kara, shouldn’t your sister be here? Or Maggie?” Lena tried, again. She had been raising the same point for over a day. It made sense to her- after all, it was Alex and Maggie’s wedding._

_“I know their tastes! And besides, who would trust anyone else to pick out a cake for their wedding? It’s me! I’m a connoisseur.”_

_“That I can’t disagree with,” Lena laughed. The amount of cupcakes, donuts, pastries, and cakes Kara had consumed in the first almost year of their relationship was slightly alarming. Although, Lena was fairly certain her plans of taking Kara to Metropolis the next week for their first anniversary to go on a donut eating trip would be well received._

_Kara reached forward and opened the door to the bakery. “After you, my lady.”_

_Lena couldn’t help but giggle. Kara always brought out a bit of Lena’s inner child. It was a nice feeling._

_The moment Lena walked inside the bakery she was assaulted with, admittedly, amazing scents. It was mouth-watering. Even though she frowned on replacing meals with junk food, she guessed Kara did have a point when she insisted they don’t eat lunch before coming here. Lena already had a feeling they were about to eat half their weight in cake. In Kara’s case, it would probably be her full weight._

_“Kara! It’s so good to see you!”_

_“Eve! Oh my goodness, it’s been forever!” Kara hugged the worker who had greeted her, and Lena couldn’t hold back a smile. Of course Kara was on a first name basis with the owner of a bakery._

_“Who is this gorgeous lady?” The worker asked, after catching up on some small talk with Kara._

_“Oh!” Kara took Lena’s hand and tugged her forward. “This is my girlfriend, Lena,” she said proudly._

_“Nice to meet you,” Lena said, reaching forward for a handshake. But the lady scoffed and instead wrapped Lena up in a friendly hug. Lena could see why she got along so well with her girlfriend._

_“So what brings you two lovely ladies in to see us today?”_

_“We’re wedding cake tasting!” Kara said excitedly._

_“Oh I thought you said girlfriend! Are the two of you engaged already?”_

_Lena felt her cheeks grow warm. Beside her, Kara stammered. “No! Um, er…no, not yet. It’s actually for my sister’s wedding. You know, Alex. She had an emergency surgery scheduled for today, so I volunteered Lena and I to come. One day it will be for us, but not today.”_

_Eve just smiled and led the two of them over to a tiny table. She asked them to wait while she brought out the samples. Kara sat across from Lena, fidgeting with excitement. Lena knew Kara was anxiously awaiting the cake samples, but Lena was fidgeting for another reason. Did Kara even realize what she had said?_

_“Did you mean it?” Lena asked._

_Kara looked at her, confused. “Mean what?”_

_“When you said…it would be for us one day. One day, we’d be here tasting cakes for our wedding.”_

_“Of course I meant it!” Kara was grinning widely, but then it started to fade. “Unless…if you don’t want me to mean it…”_

_“No! I mean yes! I mean…” Lena laughed. She reached across the table and took both of Kara’s hands in her own. “I love you Kara Danvers. But hearing you say that right then…it filled me with so much happiness you don’t even know. I definitely want that to be true. One day.”_

_Kara’s smile radiated happiness. “I love you too Lena. One day, it will be true. I promise.” They leaned across the table, sharing a kiss. Lena couldn’t believe how giddy and light she felt in that moment. Nobody made her as happy as Kara Danvers did._

_A light cough broke the two of them apart. Eve was standing there, holding a large tray filled with dozens of cake slices. Kara’s eyes lit up._

_“Cake!” she practically squealed._

_Lena couldn’t help but laugh. Her girlfriend was truly one of a kind. And every single thing about her made Lena love her even more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be from Kara's perspective. Once again, thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If our marriage was as perfect as people keep telling me it is, then having Mike here shouldn’t bother you!” Kara yelled back. “And he’s the only one right now who makes me feel normal! With him I don’t have to pretend to be someone who I can’t ever remember being! He doesn’t expect anything of me, other than me just being me.”  
> \--  
> Kara goes home, and angst happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mon-Ew is in this chapter, my deepest apologies! But rest assured, Supercorp will prevail...eventually...

Kara sat in the backseat of Alex’s car, listening to her sister and Eliza chat animatedly. Kara had tried to join in, but there was just no use in denying that she was nervous. Her nerves had been growing stronger since leaving the hospital. Butterflies were running rampant in her stomach.

It had all started with Eliza showing up in her hospital room that morning with a bag of clothes, a bright smile, and a simple question; “So are you ready to go home?”

In truth, Kara wasn’t anywhere near ready. The hospital wasn’t a pleasant place to be, but at least there in her room she could pretend the world hadn’t changed. In the hospital Kara had been able stay in her bubble. It was almost easy to believe that she hadn’t missed out on seven years of her life. But now there wasn’t going to be any way for Kara to deny it. Like or not, Kara was going back to the house she had apparently bought with Lena.

The thought of the dark haired woman made Kara’s nerves ratchet up even higher. Kara had gone through all of the photo albums Alex had brought to the hospital, but her wedding album was the one she kept going back to. Repeatedly. It was impossible for Kara to accept the facts, even though they were staring her right in the face. There she was in the photos, with a smile more brilliant than anything she had ever seen, marrying a woman everyone described as her soulmate. And Kara couldn’t remember a single thing about it. As far as she was concerned, she was nineteen, unmarried, and happily in a relationship with Mike. To know that in reality she was twenty-six and married to a woman she didn’t even know she had ever met was too much to fathom.

“Hey Kara, you ready for this?” Alex asked from the front seat. “We’re just about there.”

“For sure!” Kara said, trying to sound enthusiastic. Unfortunately, she just truly wasn’t.

Kara knew that as soon as she stepped into Lena’s house- or _her_ and Lena’s house- she would be trying to accept a reality which just seemed surreal to her. It wasn’t even as if there any noticeable gaps in her memory. There were no clouds or dark spots. She didn’t feel like she was forgetting anything. And yet, apparently she was forgetting a quarter of her life.

When Alex turned into the drive of a cute, mid-sized, two story house Kara expected some sort of recognition. She thought maybe she’d look up at the house and it would trigger a memory, or at least the suggestion of one. But nothing of the sort occurred. To Kara, it was simply a house.

“Home sweet home!” Eliza said excitedly.

Kara tried to smile as she followed her mom and sister from the car and up to the front door. She was sure that it looked like more of a grimace, though. And when Lena opened the front door to greet them, she looked to be feeling just about the same as Kara. Lena ushered them through the front door with an air of grace. She hugged Alex and Eliza, but then shared simply an awkward smile with Kara. Kara waved, thinking it might help, but that just made it feel even worse.

Kara regarded Lena carefully as she followed her from the entrance into an open concept main floor. Over the past two days, the other woman had made an effort to get to know Kara- or re-know her or something. She knew Lena was simply trying to make her feel more comfortable, and Kara appreciated it. Lena seemed friendly, compassionate, and smart as a whip. She had a beautiful smile. Kara felt like Lena was someone she could easily be friends with. Except that the whole married for two years thing put somewhat of a damper on friendship.

“Welcome home Kara,” Lena said simply, sitting down in an armchair in the living room. Kara sat on a cushy couch across from her, staying silent as Alex and Eliza also sat. “How are you feeling today?”

“Oh, I feel great!” Kara said with a smile, and it was true. Apparently the crash she had been in had been a bad one, but she would have never known that. If not for the stitches on her scalp, there wouldn’t even be any reminders of it. She felt absolutely fine.

“I’m glad.” There was a stilted silence for a few moments. “I’ve got dinner just starting to cook if everyone wants to stay,” Lena offered. “Homemade potstickers.”

Kara’s eyes lit up, genuinely. “Those are my favourite! How did you know?” It wasn’t until Alex laughed awkwardly that Kara understood her faux pas. She looked down at her lap. “Oh right…sorry.”

“It’s okay Kara.” Sometimes Lena looked at Kara with too much fondness and understanding. It unnerved her a bit.

“I think Alex and I should take off, actually,” Eliza said as she stood up. “Give you both a chance to settle in.”

Lena and Kara were both protesting at that. Lena kept repeating that it was no trouble at all, and she honestly made too much for just two people. Kara told her mom that she wanted her to stay, that she wasn’t ready for to go yet.

“Alright then. I guess we’re staying for dinner.” Eliza seemed to almost be saddened at that, but Kara couldn’t understand why. Then Kara caught sight of Alex giving Lena a sympathetic look. It made Kara bristle a bit. None of this was her fault; it wasn’t like she was meaning to make everyone’s lives more difficult.

Conversation flowed relatively easily through dinner, although Kara didn’t take much part in it. She was more focused on downing as many potstickers as she could handle. After days of being on hospital food, Kara was in heaven. And admittedly, Lena definitely knew how to cook a good meal. The dessert that evening consisted of donuts, and Kara was overjoyed. Her question of where the donuts had come from was met with a pained expression from Lena, but other than that supper was a normal affair.

All too soon though, both Alex and Eliza were taking their leave. Kara knew this was bound to happen. She had known it since her mom told her two days earlier that Kara wasn’t allowed to stay with her, and instead Eliza wanted her to go home with Lena. Kara knew this was an eventuality, but it still caused her nerves to re-erupt inside.

Eliza wrapped her in a tight embrace. “I’m so glad you’re alright Kara. This is going to be good for you, I promise.” Kara nodded into her shoulder.

“Hang in there kid,” Alex was saying to Lena, punching her affectionately in the shoulder. Then she pulled Kara into a hug. “Give it a chance Kara. Please.”

And then they were gone, and Kara was left alone with Lena.

After a moment of silence, Lena spoke. “I was just going to relax by the fire and watch some TV. You’re more than welcome to join. Or I can show you to your room, if you’d like.”

Kara knew she should probably spend some time with Lena and get to know her better. But she was simply too tired right then. “I wouldn’t mind seeing the room. If that’s, you know, okay.”

“Of course,” Lena smiled. It was difficult to tell if she was disappointed or not. Kara walked behind Lena as they went upstairs to the second story. “I figured it would be easiest if you took the master bedroom.”

“Oh no!” Kara protested. “It’s your house! Well, I mean, I guess it’s ours isn’t it? But I’d feel bad displacing you.”

Lena waved a hand dismissively. “Nonsense. This will be easier for you if you wake up and need anything in the middle of the night. The last thing we need is for you to stumble around confused and hit your head again or something. And besides, I can’t sleep in here alone,” Lena finished quietly.

Kara felt bad as they entered a decent sized room. It was tastefully decorated with an accent wall that Kara knew probably had been her own design decision.

“You’ve got the bathroom through that door and all your clothes are still in the closet.”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay not being in here?” Kara asked.

“Of course,” Lena said. She was still smiling, but to Kara it looked strained. “Someone made sure the guest room had an incredibly comfortable bed with extremely expensive bedding. Heaven forbid we have guests not get a perfect night’s sleep.” Lena made her way to the door. She paused halfway out, her hand on the handle. “Goodnight, Kara. Sleep well.”

“Night,” Kara returned. She couldn’t help but breathe out a sigh of relief when the door closed and she was alone.

Kara flopped down onto the king sized bed on her back. Being alone with Lena for the indeterminable future was worrying her. It wasn’t anything about Lena herself. She didn’t give off any bad vibes. In fact, Lena seemed more or less perfect. But Kara could tell during their interactions just how much Lena loved and cared for her. It was extremely obvious in the way she looked at Kara, and the way she spoke. She was always ready to do anything at all for Kara. And it pained Kara to see just how much Lena loved her when she couldn’t remember a single thing.

Kara felt like she was probably breaking Lena’s heart. Scratch that; she _definitely_ was breaking Lena’s heart. Kara strained, trying to remember something, anything. Surely being back in this bed that they had shared for years would bring something back. Kara sat up and picked up a wedding picture standing on one of the nightstands. In it Kara, clad in a suit and tie, was holding Lena in her arms. Lena was in a beautiful lace wedding dress. They were smiling lovingly at one another, just looking into each other’s eyes. Kara could see how happy she was. She could tell from the picture that she loved Lena. How could she not remember any of that?

Of course, there was more than just her apparent wife on her mind. Everyone had told Kara that she was an investigative journalist, and an accomplished one at that. But Kara had been going to school for human movement and kinesiology. What had changed? What had caused her to switch paths midway through her degree? And how was she still supposed to do her job when she had no clue what her job even was?

There were so many things she had missed as well. Apparently Alex was married. Her sister had introduced her to Maggie. Maggie seemed absolutely lovely. But when had Alex developed an interest in women? And for that matter, when had Kara? Kara remembered James and Lucy as being on again and off again. Now apparently they were on again, and had been for a couple of years. The only person who made a bit of sense to Kara was Winn. He said he worked at the same media outlet as Kara as an IT specialist. That definitely fit with what she knew of Winn. But even he had changed. He was the same, but different.

And then, of course, there was Mike. Kara loved him. She had never been sure if he was the guy she was going to spend the rest of her life with, but she did love him in a way. He was cute and goofy when he wanted to be, and she knew he was a good guy even if he could be headstrong at times. Mike may not have been her end game, but she was nineteen, and who needed to know their end game at that age? Except now Kara was somehow twenty-six and happily married, but it wasn’t to Mike. Mike was still single though, and seemed eager enough to spend time with her.

All the thinking was making Kara’s head hurt. The doctors had told her headaches and dizzy spells would be common for probably the next couple of months at least. She had some pain pills for it, but she couldn’t help but feeling the best cure would just be to remember everything she had forgot. Somehow, though, Kara didn’t think that was likely to happen.

\--

The next morning Kara felt disoriented for a few minutes when she first woke up. She blinked her eyes open, confused about where she was. Then everything came flooding back, and Kara sighed. She felt like she was playing house.

When Kara went downstairs, Lena was laying out a spread for breakfast. Kara’s mouth watered at the sight and smell of so much delicious food. There were pancakes and waffles, eggs cooked over easy just the way Kara like them, some crispy looking bacon, and a bowl of fresh fruit. It was the type of breakfast Kara absolutely salivated over. Once again, Kara was struck by the fact of just how much Lena must love her.

“Good morning,” Lena said with a brilliant smile. “I thought you were due for a good breakfast after surviving so long on Jell-O.”

“This looks great!” Kara said enthusiastically. She started filling a plate. “Thank you.”

Lena just nodded and went back to eating her own food. Kara took in the other woman’s appearance. She looked different today, more professional than Kara had seen her. Lena’s dark hair was pulled back in a tight bun, and she had a sharp looking blazer on. Her red lipstick was flawless. Somehow she even made the plaster cast on her left wrist look good.

“I’m going to be out of the house for most of the day today,” Lena said after a few minutes. “I have to go in to work and straighten some things out. There’s no point in taking a leave of absence anymore.”

“Where do you work?” Kara asked. She was just trying to make conversation, but caught Lena’s brief look of disappointment. It seemed every time she asked about something she used to know, she unintentionally hurt Lena a little bit.

“I’m a lab manager at a research and development company. We’re not the biggest- I have no interest in the corporate life- but I do have nearly seventy people working under me. I threw them into a bit of disarray the last two weeks, so I figure I owe it to them to go in and figure everything out.” She stood up and took her now empty plate over to the sink. “I’m going to be stopping up at the hospital after work as well. Feel free to have people over today; it’s your house too.”

“The hospital? Is everything okay? Are they looking at your wrist?”

Lena shook her head. “No, this thing stays on for another week or two. Everything is fine I just…I’m just visiting my mother. I try to visit every other day, at least.” Kara waited for Lena to elaborate, but she didn’t. She wondered why Lena’s mother was in the hospital. “Have a good day sweetheart,” Lena said as she left the kitchen, and Kara saw Lena wince as she walked away.

When the front door opened and then closed, Kara sighed. She already felt like she was ruining Lena’s life. Lena seemed too nice to be caught up in this mess. All Kara really wanted to do was spend some time with Mike. He was the only person right then who didn’t seem to have any expectations from Kara. He was the only one who didn’t look disappointed or confused when she made a mistake or failed to remember things. With Mike, there was no pressure to remember anything.

Kara decided to call her mom, figuring that Mike was working. He had told her he was now a stock trader. It sounded like a boring job to Kara, but she supposed it paid well. He certainly had nice suits.

Eliza came over and spent the day with Kara. She had apparently retired a few years prior, though she told Kara she still volunteered at the hospital a few days every week. It didn’t surprise Kara; her mom had always been the hardest working person she knew. They went on a long walk together, enjoying the sunshine. Eliza seemed careful to let Kara always steer the conversation, and Kara kept things light. She had no interest in delving into any deep matters right then.

It was around two in the afternoon when Kara had an idea about a game night. She hesitated though, still feeling weird about inviting people over to a house that didn’t feel at all like hers. Kara pulled out her phone, which somehow had survived the apparently bad accident.

Lena’s contact was the first to pop up. Kara looked at the heart emojis surrounding Lena’s name. Nobody else had hearts. There were many different face emojis, and beside Alex’s name was the flexed bicep which made Kara laugh, but Lena was the only one with hearts. Kara sighed. Lena responded within minutes, telling Kara it was absolutely alright to invite their friends over for a game night. _Their friends._ For some reason, that haunted Kara. Her and Lena shared so much, how could she forget it all?

Pushing the troubling thoughts out of her mind, Kara sent to texts to Winn, James, and Lucy. She texted Alex too, although she was pretty sure her sister was on a night shift. She looked through her contacts for Mike, but couldn’t find him. After another slight hesitation, she sent another text to James asking if he knew how to get hold of her boyfriend. Or ex-boyfriend. Or whatever Mike was to her now.

\--

_Kara sat on the cold metal bleachers and grinned as her goofy boyfriend walked into the batter’s box. His pre-swing routine never failed to make Kara chuckle. Mike would stick out his backside, wiggle his hips, and then wink at Kara. More often than not he never made contact with the ball, but that was beside the point. Kara loved that little wink. On that particular night though, Mike did make contact with the ball. And he made such contact that it flew right off the end of his bat and over everyone’s head sailing straight out of the ballpark. Mike was so stunned that he stood frozen at home plate, mouth gaping open._

_Kara stood up on the bleachers, cupping her hands around her mouth as she called out, “Run, Mike!”_

_Startled, Mike started trotting around the bases. As he rounded third and headed for home, his teammates formed a group and mobbed him as he crossed the plate. Kara couldn’t help but laugh at the overgrown man children. Their baseball team was the worst in the entire beer league, but they celebrated as if they had won the World Series._

_“Did you see that?” Mike exclaimed as they walked to his car after the game. “That was incredible!”_

_“It was great Mike,” Kara laughed. She had one of her arms looped through his. “So great, in fact, that I think this night calls for celebration pizza.”_

_Mike whooped. “A homerun, the world’s most amazing girlfriend, and pizza…this night can’t get any better!”_

_They ended up at Kara’s favourite pizza joint. They each ordered their own pizza, Mike long since having learned that Kara could out-eat him any day. The two chatted animatedly about everything and nothing. They had been dating for a little over four months, and Kara felt a strong affection for Mike. She didn’t think it was love, but she certainly cared for him._

_Alex didn’t like Mike, and she had made that no secret to her sister. She claimed he was too immature. Kara didn’t necessarily disagree- he left his laundry on the floor, maintained a B-minus average, and spent too much time gaming- but Kara didn’t need maturity right then. She just wanted to have fun, and Mike was fun. He was also cute and funny, which made it even better. It wasn’t like Kara needed to decide her whole future then and there. Maybe she would marry Mike one day, and maybe it wouldn’t last much longer. All Kara needed to know in that moment was that she enjoyed spending time with her boyfriend._

\--

It was late in the evening, and Kara was laughing so hard she felt like her sides might split. She was valiantly trying to not spill the grape juice which filled the wineglass in her hand- no alcohol until the doctor approved- and she felt more normal than she had since waking up in the hospital. Winn had brought over a game called ‘Speak Out’. He claimed it was one of her favourites, and after a few rounds Kara could see why. Her friends sounded absolutely ridiculous.

Lucy was trying in vain to get someone to understand what she saying, growing more desperate by the second and gesticulating wildly with her hands. Winn was on the floor, rolling around in laughter. James was trying his best to remain focused, but the look on his face was pure puzzlement. Kara snorted at his bewildered expression, laughing even harder. She leaned into Mike who was sitting on the couch beside her as she doubled over with laughter and having a bit of trouble breathing.

Kara heard the front door open, followed by heels clicking across the floor. She looked up to see Lena coming closer, grin spread across her face. Kara thought Lena looked tired, yet somehow still incredibly beautiful. Kara had just raised a hand to wave at her when Lena’s face froze and her expression turned stony. Her gaze was fixed firmly on Mike. Kara shifted away from him slightly.

“Lena!” Kara exclaimed, suddenly not feeling like laughing much. She didn’t know why. It wasn’t like she knew Lena from a hole in the ground. “Um hi! Welcome home.”

Winn sprang up from the floor and ran to Lena, wrapping his arms around her enthusiastically. She awkwardly patted his back with her cast. “Lena! Come play with us! It’s a game night spectacular just like old times.”

“Thanks Winn, but it’s been a long day.” She extricated herself from Winn’s grip. Any traces of her smile were long gone. “I think I’m going to head upstairs. But you guys have fun. It’s good to see…all of you.”

Lena took off quickly, making her way to the staircase. Kara watched Lucy and Winn exchange a quick glance. Winn was no longer laughing, and instead looked regretful.

“I’m just going to go chat with Lena real quick,” Lucy said, standing up.

“Babe, she’s fine. Just sit and let’s keep playing.” James tried to gently tug at Lucy’s hand, but she shook her head.

“I’ll be back down in a few minutes guys, don’t worry. I just want to catch up. It’s been a while.”

As Lucy followed Lena upstairs, Kara felt a pang in her chest. She couldn’t put her finger on what exactly it was, but it might have guilt. It also could have been jealousy. How did her best friends become so close with someone who may as well have been a stranger to Kara? She caught Winn as he shot a scowl in Mike’s direction, and Kara’s gut twisted further. Why did everything have to feel so strange?

Everyone was gone a little over an hour later. Kara had blushed when Mike kissed her on the cheek to say goodbye. She had been too nervous to ask him why they had broken up, but she knew it couldn’t have been that bad. James had enthusiastically been setting up contact between them. If it had been a messy breakup, surely her best guy friend would be looking out for her. Regardless, things just felt easier with Mike around. Things felt simpler, and less filled with pressure to fulfill a life which seemed so strange.

Just as Kara was about to head upstairs to get ready to turn in for the night, she heard a door open. She stayed in the living room, watching as Lena came down the stairs and into view. The dark haired woman didn’t look Kara’s way as she headed to the kitchen. Kara head a tap turn on and the running of water. In the following silence, Kara felt way too much like an awkward house guest who had just broken some house rules. She got up off the couch and headed around to the kitchen, deciding to try to make some light conversation.

“I wouldn’t have minded if you had joined us,” Kara said, sitting down at the island. Lena jumped slightly when Kara spoke. “I guess they’re your friends too, aren’t they?”

Lena turned toward Kara. There was a small smile on her lips, but she looked even more tired than she had before. She had changed into sweats, and her face was void of all makeup. She looked good even in her ready for bed stage. It made Kara slightly jealous.

“It’s okay, Kara,” Lena said quietly. “There’s a lot of stuff I need to get organized, and it’s been a long day.”

“Okay, well…thank you for letting me invite them over.”

“It’s your house too, Kara,” Lena said simply.

“Oh. Right.” Kara was silent for a moment, trying to think of what to say next. “You seem upset with me.”

Lena took a deep breath and said, “I’m not upset. I’m never upset with you Kara.”

“Are you sure? ‘Cause you looked happy when you walked in, and then you saw Mike and everything changed.” At Mike’s name, Lena flinched. “Do you not like Mike?”

Lena brought her good hand up to her temple, rubbing it as she frowned. “He’s not my favourite, but I’m not upset. I promise.”

“Okay, well good. You did say I could invite my friends over.”

“Kara…” Lena paused, seeming to think about what was on her mind. “Could you maybe,” Lena started tentatively, “not invite Mike over here anymore?”

“What?” Kara exclaimed. She was confused and crossed her arms over her chest. “Why?”

“Because…it’s weird.”

“Why?” Kara repeated. “Is it because you don’t like him?”

Lena laughed tiredly, and it was a harsh sound. “What are we, five?”

Kara threw her hands up in the air. “Well I can’t think of another reason that even remotely makes sense! And you’re the one telling me not to invite someone over just because you don’t like them!”

“It’s not just that Kara! My goodness, could you just think!” Lena was shouting, and Kara liked it. Lena had been so calm, and kind, and understanding. And Kara didn’t want any of that from her. She didn’t know Lena, and didn’t want her kindness. Kara could feel too much love in it. Lena’s anger felt better. “Think for a minute! Even if you don’t remember, you know we’re married! This is the house that we bought together, as a _married couple_. So excuse me if I don’t want your ex-boyfriend, whom neither of us have had any contact with for years, parading around in here like he owns the place!”

Kara felt Lena’s words cutting deeper than they should have. It hurt Kara more than it should have. But Kara let her own anger take over. Her anger felt better too. It felt better than all the confusion of the last week. It felt better than feeling like she didn’t even know herself at all.

“If our marriage was as perfect as people keep telling me it is, then having Mike here shouldn’t bother you!” Kara yelled back. “And he’s the only one right now who makes me feel normal! With him I don’t have to pretend to be someone who I can’t ever remember being! He doesn’t expect anything of me, other than me just being me.”

“That’s because he doesn’t want you to remember! Have you even asked him why the two of you broke up?”

That brought Kara up short. “It doesn’t matter,” she finally said stubbornly. “Right now the only time I feel like myself is when Mike is around. I don’t care about anything else.”

Lena’s good fist was clenched by her side, and her cheeks were splotched with colour. She was steaming and looked ready to unleash a torrent of harsh words on Kara. But then suddenly she seemed to deflate. It was like the fight left her in an instant. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“This isn’t us,” Lena mumbled under her breath. It was so quiet that Kara was sure she wasn’t meant to have heard it. Lena swallowed, and then looked up at Kara, meeting her gaze. “I’m not going to stop you from seeing him, Kara. I would never do that.” Lena’s voice was soft and even. “If Mike makes you feel normal, then by all means spend some time with him. We all just want you to heal. I want nothing more than for you to feel better.

“But please, not here. All I ask is that you don’t bring him here. This is too difficult already Kara and I…just please. You seem to think that I’m some kind of control freak, and I’m not. But I am struggling with this whole situation just as much as you are Kara. It hurts me too. So if Mike’s presence is some sort of healing factor for you, than think of his absence as the same for me. Please.” Lena turned and walked away, heading for the staircase. Her departure was so abrupt that Kara wasn’t expecting it.

“Why did Mike and I break up?” Kara called out. She saw Lena freeze on the bottom step.

“That’s for you to ask him,” Lena said quietly. “It’s not my place to say. Goodnight, Kara.”

Lena disappeared up the stairs. Kara heard the guestroom door open and then close, firmly. Kara dropped her head onto the kitchen island, resting it on her arms. She somehow felt more miserable than she had even in the hospital. She thought fighting with Lena would help. She thought it might expel some of her pent up energy and frustrations. Instead, Kara just felt exhausted and even more confused than before.

Kara didn’t know Lena. So why did Kara feel like she had just been punched in the gut for upsetting her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for stopping by. Drop a kudo if so inclined :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lena, do you think Kara has any intentions of trying to work stuff out with you?” Jess asked softly.
> 
> “I think so,” Lena replied. “I hope so. I mean…she wouldn’t be living with me if she was just planning on cutting me completely out of her life, right?”  
> \--  
> Lena goes out for a much needed night on the town with some friends.

_It was a gloomy day, and Lena thought that matched her somber mood perfectly. Lena felt a strange mixture of sadness, anger, and relief. At Lex’s funeral, the primary emotion had been sadness. There was a righteous anger as well to avenge her brother, but that hadn’t set in until a few days later. With Lionel, though Lena was incredibly saddened at the loss of her father, she was mainly incensed._

_Lionel should have known better. He was a grown man. He was a grown man, and Lena had watched him drink his last years of life away. Whatever he had found in the bottom of the bottle had evidently been better comfort for him than his own wife and adopted daughter. And then, to top it all off, he got behind the wheel of a car. Lionel should have known better. The relief Lena felt was that at least Lionel had hit a tree and not another car. Had he nonsensically taken away someone else’s life like his son’s had been it would have completed the horrible circle of stupidity._

_Lena stood beside her mother at the cemetery, the gray skies above threatening rain, and watched as the casket was lowered into the ground. Lionel was being buried right beside Lex. Lena watched, and she almost wished for tears to fall. But the longer she stood there, the angrier she got. Lillian was crying silently beside her, and with each subdued sniffle Lena felt her anger grow. How dare Lionel leave his wife like that? What gave him the right?_

_A warm hand took purchase on her shoulder, and almost at once Lena felt some of her anger diminish. It wasn’t gone fully, but some of the tension left her shoulders and her hands, which she hadn’t realized had been tightening into fists, relaxed. Thank goodness for Kara._

_The officiant finished up his little speech and Lena stepped forward with her mother to drop a handful of dirt onto the casket. Lillian turned and immediately made her way back to a black car the moment the task was done. Lena walked into Kara’s open arms._

_“I love you,” Kara said softly as she enveloped Lena in a tight embrace. Lena felt Kara’s lips press gently to the top of her head. “How are you doing?”_

_Lena just closed her eyes, drinking in the comfort of her girlfriend. “Better now. I love you too. Thank you for being her with me.”_

_“Of course,” Kara returned. “I’ll always be here with you Lena.”_

_Despite the emotional toll of the past ninety-six hours, Lena smiled. She looked up at Kara. “Take me home?” she asked._

_Kara leaned down slightly and brought their lips together. She pulled back smiling. “Yes. Let’s go home.” With one last quick kiss, Kara stepped back and took Lena’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “But I still think you guys should have had a reception. Those sandwiches would hit the spot right now.”_

_Lena and Lilian had decided to keep things small and private. Partly because they didn’t feel it needed to be a public affair when Lionel had been a private man. But mostly because Lionel had ended his life in a drunken fit and they didn’t think that needed attention;  just a small goodbye with a few family and friends._

_“We can order in tonight,” Lena promised. “Anything you want. We’ll order in and snuggle on the couch and just forget about the world. Just the two of us.”_

_“That sounds amazing,” Kara smiled._

_They had just about reached the car when Lena stopped, pulling Kara back. “Kara, I need to thank you for being here with me today.”_

_“Lena of course I’m going to be here! Really it’s…”_

_“Kara stop,” Lena said, cutting her girlfriend off. It felt vital to Lena that she tell Kara exactly how important she was to her. “When we lost Lex…I was a mess. You know I ended up choosing NCU over Metropolis because I couldn’t stand to go where Lex had been, but Kara I almost deferred my acceptance entirely. I almost gave up. It was the worst time of my life. I was so worried today was going to be that same type of grief, that same heart wrenching, soul sucking type of feeling…but it wasn’t. You made it okay. You make everything okay Kara. I love you so much. You’re like the sun, keeping me safe and warm and happy. Thank you for everything you’ve done for Lilian and I. I just…I needed you. I love you.”_

_Kara was smiling when she pulled Lena towards her, but her kiss was bordering on desperate. Lena could feel the emotion behind Kara’s kiss. She could feel Kara’s love in it._

_“I love you too Lena,” Kara said breathlessly. She kissed Lena’s jaw and then her neck, pulling her in impossibly close. “I’m always going to be here for you, I promise. You are the world to me. I love you, and I’m never going to leave you.”_

\--

Lena dropped her pen. It was an expensive pen, but Lena loved the weight of it in her hand and loved the smooth, straight lines it left on paper. She always made sure it was placed back in its holder with the utmost care. But she didn’t even hear the clink it made when it struck the floor of her office. Lena was too distracted by the figures in front of her.

When Sam had presented her with a rough outline for a project that she got stuck on the numbers with in the early stages, Lena accepted the challenge willingly. Over a few months, it had become almost a pipe dream. It reminded her of when Lex gifted Lena her first Rubik’s cube at the age of six. She didn’t understand how to do it, but she was fascinated with it. She would play with it every night before going to bed, never seeming to get closer to the solution but relishing the challenge. Sam’s rough idea was like that- a seemingly impossible goal, but a tantalizing challenge. Except that Lena had just solved it.

Lena looked at the numbers and drawings again before collapsing back in her chair. It was doable. Lena could feasibly make a prototype. They could be on the market within eighteen months, two years at the outside. She felt her heart start to pound and excitedly reached for her phone, ready to call for a board meeting. But then she faltered.

Working for Lord Technologies had been a good job. They hired her straight out of her Master’s, and she wasted no time in climbing the ranks of the company. They had been good to her. But since day one Maxwell Lord’s priorities had been clear to her; profits above all else. He didn’t care about the ethics behind anything, he just cared who the highest bidder was. This project, this idea; in the wrong hands she could see it as war profiteering.

Lena set her phone back down on the surface of her desk. She pondered. Lena had always prided herself on having good instincts. But the recent month had changed that. She no longer trusted anything, much less her gut. She was losing her mother, and she was losing Kara, and suddenly Lena didn’t feel like the confident woman she had always been. For the first time in her life Lena felt tentative and unsure and it galled her.

Considering carefully, Lena pulled the pages scattered in front of her into a neat pile. She slid the pile back into a deep red folder and went to put it in her bottom desk drawer. Lena locked the drawer of her desk, which was something she rarely did. If she didn’t trust herself, she wasn’t going to make any snap decisions. She would leave the plans where they were until she was sure.

When the door to Lena’s office opened, she almost jumped through the roof. Lena pressed her good hand to her beating chest, and looked over her computer screen to see a sheepish looking Jess standing in her doorway.

“Sorry Miss Luthor,” Jess apologized. “I’ve been knocking for about three minutes but you never responded. I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

Lena smiled as best she could. Smiling these days felt difficult. “It’s fine Jess. And for the millionth time, it’s okay to call me Lena.”

Jess had been Lena’s personal assistant for just over a year. And during that entire time, she had never once called her anything other than Miss Luthor at work. They had been out to a couple of events outside of work, and Jess called her by her first name there. But never at work. Inside the walls of Lord Technologies, it had always been Miss Luthor.

”I just wanted to check in before I leave for the day,” Jess said. “Is there anything else you need today?”

Lena frowned. “Leave for the day? Isn’t it only…” she trailed off as she checked the time on her phone. “Wow. Quarter to five. I thought lunch was still coming.” Lena chuckled tightly, but Jess was looking at her concernedly.

“Miss Luthor, is everything alright? Ever since you came back to work things have seemed off. You don’t seem yourself.”

“I’m fine Jess,” Lena said automatically. Saying she was fine had become her go to statement with everyone. Whether it was Alex or Eliza, Winn or Lucy, Lena’s reflex was to tell them she was fine when they asked. But suddenly, for whatever reason, Lena found herself fighting back tears. “Everything is alright, Jess, thanks for asking.” She tried to sound as formal as she could.

Jess stood where she was for a moment, biting her lip. Then she stepped fully into Lena’s office, closing the door slightly behind her. “If you need someone to talk to, please know I’m here for you. You don’t have to, but I can tell something must be really wrong right now. So just know that I’m a good listener.”

Lena almost let Jess walk back out of her office before she came to her senses. “Jess!” she called her assistant back. “Would you have time for a drink, maybe? I don’t think…I don’t know if I want to talk about anything but a drink with a friend…” Lena trailed off, shrugging.

“Of course!” Jess beamed. “That sounds lovely. And after all, it is a Friday! Let’s head out in ten minutes.”

Lena finished tying up some loose ends and logged off the company server. When she finally stood up and exited her office, she felt a bit lighter. This would be good. Jess was an impartial friend; she had met Kara several times, as Kara usually visited Lena at work at least every other day, but Jess wasn’t one of their school friends. She wasn’t part of the usual group. It would be refreshing to spend time with someone who didn’t know.

Lena was making her way to the elevator when she caught side of a figure still sitting at their cubicle. There was only one person Lena knew who would still be working away at five on a Friday while the sun was shining brightly outside.

“Sam! What are you still doing here?” Lena asked, walking over to the work station. Sam Arias had been a fairly new hire, but already Lena trusted her more than almost any other employee.

“Miss Luthor,” Sam smiled. “I’m just finishing some stuff up. Ruby is heading off to a sleepover with a friend, so I figured I’d stay as long as possible.”

Jess had also been on her way to the elevator when she caught sight of the two of them and walked over. Lena watched the two of them embrace like old friends and had a sudden inspiration. “Sam, would you like to come grab a drink with us?”

Lena had lost track of time. A drink had turned into two, which had turned into three. The three of them were sitting around a small table in a pub, sharing a plate of nachos. Lena felt almost normal, which was more normal than she had felt in weeks. The three women were talking about everything and nothing. For the first time since the accident, Lena felt no pressure. She felt lighter. Sam was just finishing up a story about when Ruby had been sent to the principal’s office for asking her teacher why they weren’t teaching proper sex education when Lena decided she wanted to talk. She wanted to tell her friends- she thought she could call them her friends- what had been going on. Lena suddenly wanted to let them in.

“Can I tell you both something?” Lena asked. She stared down into her wine glass. The wine was giving her courage. “You know there was a car accident. Kara was in the crash too.”

Lena talked for a while, letting it all spill out. She told Jess and Sam about Kara’s memory loss and her seeming total discomfort with Lena whenever the two of them were alone together. She told them how she felt out of place with their mutual friends, and that Lena was scared that if Kara never regained her memories everyone would just naturally fade out of Lena’s life. She told them about Mike, and how insecure and upset his presence made her. Lena talked, and it felt good.

“Holy cheese puffs, that’s a lot,” Jess breathed out when Lena finished. “I guess I know why Kara hasn’t been stopping by with lame excuses to see you lately. Lena, how have you even been handling all of this? You shouldn’t be back at work yet!”

“Work is a nice distraction,” Lena said.

“Distraction is good, but Lena…” Sam paused. “Lena have you been taking care of yourself? Have you taken the time to let your own feelings out?”

Lena shook her head. “That is unnecessary. Kara is struggling, she needs help. I barely got hurt in the crash everything is okay with me.”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. You need to slow down and as selfish as it sounds, put some distance between you and Kara,” Sam said. Jess nodded along with her. “I know you love her; that’s obvious just listening to you talk about her. But Lena, you’re putting yourself through hell. Are you sure living together is a good idea right now?”

 Lena opened her mouth to retort, but she floundered. The thought of spending any amount of time away from her wife seem torturous to her. At the same time, though, every minute she spend in Kara’s presence lately seemed to hurt her more and more.

“Lena, do you think Kara has any intentions of trying to work stuff out with you?” Jess asked softly.

“I think so,” Lena replied. “I hope so. I mean…she wouldn’t be living with me if she was just planning on cutting me completely out of her life, right?”

Across from her, Jess and Sam shared a look. Then Sam reached out and covered Lena’s good hand with her own. She gave it a squeeze. “I’m so sorry this is happening Lena. You don’t deserve any of this. I don’t know what the right answer is here, but I’m glad you’ve confided in us. We’re here for you.”

“I just want to forget about everything for a little while,” Lena admitted. “I feel like I need a break, even if it’s just for the night.”

“Well then, I think it’s time to get out of here and go somewhere a little more fun.” Jess motioned for their server for the bill. “We’re going to make sure you get that break tonight!”

They ended up at a club, and several shots later Lena was out on the dance floor with Sam and Jess. The three of them made their own little group, and Lena was surprised to find that she was not the most uncoordinated dancer among them. But they laughed and danced, and with every drink Lena found herself feeling lighter. She forgot about Kara. She forgot about Mike. She just danced.

When a model-like man started lingering a little too close to their group for them to feel comfortable with, the three women headed back to the bar. Sam ordered another round of shots. Lena had never had a Burt Reynold’s before, but they were certainly doing the trick that evening.

“I solved it,” Lena shouted over the music after they all tipped back their shots. When the other two looked confused, Lena clarified. “I solved your number issues with the guidance coordinate system,” she said, pointing wildly in Sam’s direction.

Sam’s mouth fell open. “But that was impossible!”

“Not impossible,” Lena said with a lazy grin. “With my exoskeleton and your code…coerce…co…thing it could be huge.”

“Also those plans you came up with for the self-repairing tiny things!” Jess shouted. “You made me bury them before Christmas so Max wouldn’t know.”

“Wow.” Sam was swaying side to side slightly. She looked wistful. “I think we’re getting promoted.” She quickly turned to the bartender. “Shots for promotions!”

“No no no,” Lena said. She shook her head violently and it made her dizzy.

“No shots?” Jess looked confused.

“No. No promotions. Max will sell it for war, I know it.”

Sam gasped. “He totally will. We can’t go to Max. What do we do?”

Three more shot glasses filled with amber liquid were placed on the shiny black surface of the bar in front of them. Feeling more coordinated and confident than she actually did, Lena grabbed one and held it up in front of her.

“We start our own company,” she said. Her words only slurred slightly. “The three of us with our plans and our brains…we could do it.”

Jess looked awed but she slowly grabbed another shot glass and held it up. Sam enthusiastically grabbed the last one, spilling half of it on her shoes but not seeming to notice.

“Our own company,” Jess said.

“Badass Women Incorporated!” Sam shouted.

The three of them clinked their shot glasses together and then tossed them back.

\--

The world swam in front of Lena as she tried to get her key in the lock. She didn’t know if the key was moving or the door was moving, but one of them definitely was. Every single time she tried to fit the key into the lock she just ended up scratching the door. Suddenly her limbs felt far too heavy, and she collapsed against the blue painted wood. She was about to sleep there when suddenly the surface fell away and she stumbled forward.

A pair of strong arms caught Lena before she fell. Those arms felt good. Lena happily nuzzled forward, pressing herself in closer to something warm. She knew right away it was Kara. Only Kara could smell so good. A warm happiness started to bubble up inside of Lena. She smiled.

“Kara,” she said. “Kara, Kara…”

“Um yeah…hi Lena.”

“Kara it’s you,” Lena said, continuing to smile. She loved her wife so much.

“Yup it’s me! Uh…Lena can you maybe…are you able to stand for a minute? I have to close the door.”

Lena stood up somewhat straighter, watching through lidded eyes as Kara closed and locked the front door. Her wife was so beautiful. When Kara turned back to face Lena, Lena saw that she had her reading glasses on and her hair pulled up into a sloppy bun. She was wearing sweats and an old t-shirt, and Lena thought she was so beautiful she could almost melt.

“Kara,” she said again, launching herself into Kara’s arms. “I missed you.”

Lena felt Kara chuckle. “I kinda wondered where you were. You’ve been coming home from work no later than seven.”

“We had fun,” Lena said. She was falling asleep again, this time with her head resting on Kara’s chest. “You’re so warm.”

“Lena I think you should probably go to bed and sleep this off.”

“I can sleep here.”

“And what if I get tired standing here all night?”

Lena frowned. She didn’t want to make Kara tired. “Okay,” she breathed. She wanted to kiss Kara’s neck so bad, but she thought she probably had bad breath from all the drinks. “Okay let’s go to bed.”

With a sudden fit of energy, Lena surged forward. She had Kara’s hand in her own, dragging her wife along behind her. With her focus straight ahead on the stairway, she missed the way Kara blushed furiously at her words.

The stairs were a bit more difficult to negotiate than Lena anticipated. They were floating, bobbing up and down in a weird pattern that Lena couldn’t get a handle on. She would try to step up onto one, but her foot seemed to always miss. Kara was trying to direct her but Lena couldn’t really understand what she was telling her. The next thing Lena knew, she was flying. Kara had picked her up in her arms and Lena smiled and laughed. She loved Kara. There was no better feeling than being in Kara’s arms.

Kara carried Lena to the top of the stairs and then veered off towards the guest room. Lena smiled softly as she felt herself gently set down onto a comfy bed. She snuggled into the pillows.

“Lena,” Kara said, chuckling quietly. “Don’t you think you should change into your pajamas or something? You’re not going to be comfy like this.”

Lena frowned, eyes still closed. “Too tired. I’m comfy.”

“But you won’t be in the morning.” Lena ignored her wife, happily starting to drift off to sleep, until she felt strong arms take hold and lift her up into a seated position.

“Kara,” Lena whined. She opened her eyes, pouting at the other woman. “I don’t want to. I want to sleep.”

Kara smiled. “You will sleep. If you help me, in less than two minutes you’ll get to sleep.”

But Lena had no interest in helping. She was happy to sit and gaze at her wife, drinking in every detail of her face. Lena couldn’t remember why but she almost felt like she hadn’t looked at Kara in a year. Lena reached forward and gently ran her fingertips along Kara’s cheek. “So beautiful,” she whispered. Kara’s eyes fluttered as Lena stroked from her cheek to her jaw. For just a moment, Lena brushed Kara’s bottom lip. Kara leaned forward. Lena wanted to kiss her wife.

“Okay!” Kara called, jumping up from where she had sat on the edge of the bed. The sudden movement startled Lena. “We’re getting you ready for bed.”

Lena leaned back against the headboard and watched Kara rummage through some drawers, pulling out some sweats and a tank. She has half asleep again as Kara returned to her side, clothes in hand. She could faintly hear Kara asking her repeatedly to help, but Lena felt drained. Her muscles felt heavy and light enough to float at the same time. If she opened her eyes, her vision swam. After what seemed an eternity, Lena felt gentle fingers begin unbuttoning her blouse. Lena shivered as her shirt was taken off. She felt her skirt be unzipped and slid down her legs. Had Lena opened her eyes, she would have seen Kara’s cheeks burn in a furious blush. Instead, Lena just felt loving hands help her into warm clothes and tuck her in under the covers.

Lena must have drifted off, but the sound of a glass of water being set down on the table beside her startled her back awake. She cracked open her eyes and could make out Kara’s outline in the dark room. Kara saw her looking and smiled.

“If I thought you were capable of doing anything other than showering yourself with this, I’d get you to drink it now,” Kara said in a whisper. “But promise me that drink this when you wake up?” Lena nodded. Kara paused for a moment, and then tentatively raised a hand to brush a lock of Lena’s hair out of her eyes. “Sleep well Lena.”

“Kara wait,” Lena caught Kara’s hand as she turned to leave, and Kara faced her again. Lena sat up in bed and pulled Kara into a hug. “I love you Kara,” she mumbled, missing the way Kara tensed up in her arms. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

And with a quick peck to her wife’s cheek- more on the corner of Kara’s mouth than anything- Lena fell back against the pillows and was out like a light.

\--

Lena woke to a pounding headache and a roiling stomach. There was some harsh light streaming in through the cracks in the blinds and Lena scrunched her eyes up against it. She wanted nothing more than to curl back up in the covers and fall back asleep, but she knew by the unrest in her stomach she needed to get to the nearest toilet asap.

She stumbled out of bed and lurched across the floor of the guest bedroom, eyes half closed. Somehow Lena made it to the toilet in the guest bathroom in time. She spent a couple minutes clutching the toilet bowl before sitting back against the wall, feeling faint and shivery. It took about five minutes before Lena willed herself to move again and got to her feet. Lena couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so hungover, but she was eternally grateful that she wasn’t the type of person to usually go out and drink all night on a consistent basis.

Walking groggily back into the bedroom, one eye closed and the other squinting in the bright morning light, Lena was just able to make out a glass of water and an Advil sitting on the bedside table. With a moan of relief Lena sat down on the edge of the bed and swallowed the pill while guzzling the water. She was never drinking again.

Slowly, some memories of the night before gradually came back to her. Lena felt slightly awkward at the thought of sharing such personal things with her employees, but she thought she could count Jess and Sam among her friends. She was sure- or at least she hoped- things wouldn’t become awkward. She vaguely remembered something about badass women, but couldn’t quite nail down the details of that one. With a sigh, Lena crawled back under the covers. Hopefully if she could sleep for a couple more hours, she would wake up feeling more human.

Lena was just about asleep again when she suddenly sat bolt upright in bed. Her eyes were open wide but she simply stared at the wall across from her without seeing it. She had told Kara she loved her. She had nearly kissed Kara.

Heart pounding almost as much as her head, Lena groaned. That would probably be it. That was the proverbial straw to break the camel’s back. It wouldn’t surprise her if Kara was in the master bedroom right at that moment, packing up all her clothes to move out. If it had been awkward between them before, Lena was sure that her drunken actions the night before had just ruined all.

Cursing her drunken self, Lena slowly rose from the bed. There was no way she was going to be able to sleep anymore, so breakfast seemed like a half decent idea. She just hoped Kara was still around to join her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've made it to this point, thank you very much for reading and sticking with me so far! Will Kara move out? Did Lena ruin all? Or did she possibly make Kara remember how much she loves her wife? (Your guess is as good as mine. This is the point where my detailed story notes turn into "then something like this happens at some point". Except it's not one hundred percent that bad.)

**Author's Note:**

> Well, if you've made it this far, you've decided to undertake this journey with me. Be warned, it's not going to be easy for our favourite couple. But if you stick with them, and if you stick with my surely to be erratic updating schedule, maybe everything will turn out okay in the end!  
> Thank you for reading. I suffer from a lack of self esteem, so notes and kudos are always appreciated!


End file.
